“Weathering The Storm With Lovingkindness”

by Meditation Teacher Training graduate Taylor Holliday (on Insight Timer here and on Instagram here)

Meditation and mindfulness have changed my life.

I have been on my wellness journey for many years. Having experienced the challenges of living with depression, anxiety, and trauma, I was looking for a way to hold space for myself with lovingkindness. Meditation has helped me to stop looking outside of myself for love, acceptance, and validation, and instead, look within myself, tune into my body, and sit with any thoughts or emotions that come up without judgment.

Recently I was watching a video on trauma for my Path Meditation Teacher Training. Halfway through the video, I began to notice an overall sense of unease in my body; a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach, tightness in my forehead, my heart beating faster. Normally I wouldn’t have even noticed these body sensations, but the training I was receiving on tuning into my body began to kick in. 

As my instructor was talking about how the body and mind react to trauma, I was consumed with thoughts of how messed up I was, that I was weak for not being able to move on, and that I was never going to heal from my past. Normally when these feelings and thoughts would arrive, I wouldn’t allow myself to cry or I would feel shame and frustration when I did.

That day was different though. That day I was gentle with myself, using the lessons I had learned about embracing any and all thoughts and emotions as they are, that they are impermanent. I let my tears flow without judgment. I let myself feel everything, remembering that this difficult moment would pass. 

As I was flooded with emotions, I thought about one of my favorite parts of Tara Brach's book, Radical Acceptance. She writes about how a friend of hers, when faced with strong emotions, "mentally visualized herself bringing her palms together and bowing to what has appeared. When she feels the grip of anxiety, anger, or guilt, she imagines bowing to it with a sense of genuine respect. [She] sometimes lightly [places her] hand on [her] heart and sends a message of acceptance and care to whatever is arising in [her]." 

I placed my hands on my heart and silently said, " Anxiety, fear, I see you. I feel you. I embrace you and when I am ready I will let you go." After several moments of deep breathing, of just allowing whatever feelings or thoughts I had come up, I felt my tension begin to relax. I knew I had weathered the storm and could do it again when necessary. I could practice lovingkindness toward myself because I needed and deserved it. Tapping into mindfulness helped me to turn what could have been another moment of tearing myself down into a moment of self-acceptance and self-love.

My hope is that you can also use meditation and mindfulness to give yourself grace and understanding as you navigate life’s challenges.