What if your biggest vulnerability is your biggest asset?

Here’s a non-obvious idea — what if the personality trait you worry is your biggest vulnerability, the thing you are most sensitive about, is actually your greatest asset?

I recently read this idea in psychotherapist and author Ken Page’s wonderful book Deeper Dating, and I can’t stop thinking about this, and I even taught to it during our meditation retreat in Panarea, Italy.

One guest shared that she was embarrassed, even ashamed, about being indecisive. I told her I thought this was an asset, since it means that she is open and also easy to be around because she is not pushy in advocating her agenda, including during travels. Soon after this I met someone traveling in southern Italy who was indecisive, and it was great — we could always go where I wanted for dinner, and take day trips to the places that most appealed to me. I always had an intuition, and he was indecisive, so it felt like a perfect match!

These two people’s greatest shame was, truly, something I view as an asset — for many reasons.

For myself, I am mindful of my people-pleasing tendencies. I’ll often advocate for what I think is good for someone else, even if I’m wrong, and even if I’m then not pushing for what I want. But this does have advantages I can acknowledge — I am very aware (perhaps too aware), and I’m sensitive to the needs and wants of others or at least try to be.

Gareth Michael has written a book about accepting all of yourself, called Ever-Changing Perspectives. I encourage you to read this and to think — what if the thing we’re most ashamed of is actually the sweetest and most special thing about us? And what if we can finally come to a place of accepting and loving all of ourselves? Perhaps with this mindset we can become more open to others and to accepting all of them. This is one way to live in a softer, more kind, more open and less judgemental way. I encourage you to try this one, and let me know how it goes!