Finding Forgiveness and Choosing Love — Amidst The Path Meditation Teacher Training Course
by Jenn Graham
(photo: Creative Commons via Wikimedia)
When I listened to Leon [Ford, co-teacher of The Path Meditation Teacher Training] tonight, he talked about having to be free of hate and anger to be able to fully teach others. If you couldn’t be free of these feelings, then how could you be free enough to teach and help others? You need to live it to teach it.
Over the past few weeks, I have watched all the videos [in the course] with Leon. As I watched them, I could feel resistance, and I couldn't understand where it was coming from. Leon had gone through so much and yet he was able to forgive, so why couldn't I? Why couldn't I understand forgiveness the way that he did? I fought, and I fought week after week, not understanding what I was feeling and being so frustrated that he and so many others found forgiveness for awful things while I was stuck reliving my trauma again and again.
By assuming that I had to forgive the person instead of the act, and believing I needed to find forgiveness for only myself, this stopped me from finding forgiveness for a purpose higher than myself.
After listening to Leon speak to our class tonight, I was able to see that there was another path — and the path to forgiveness was realizing that this whole thing is bigger than me, that in fact it has very little to do with me or my suffering. This is about the world, all the people in the world, and it’s about bringing love into the world, which is something I am meant to do. This is the path to who I really am and what I can bring forth to others.
The idea of forgiveness had always seemed unfathomable until Leon mentioned finding forgiveness to help others, and it finally made sense. He helped me see that I didn’t have to be stuck anymore, and I didn’t need to hold onto the sadness, rage, despair and unfairness of it all. I could choose a different route, and I could be who I really am. That hatred, sadness and despair no longer live in me.
I cannot be who I want to be for others, and ultimately for myself, if I am holding onto this hatred, anger, and sadness. I can only be a light for others when I let this go. I realized that I could finally forgive because I wanted to be free to help others.
When I took away the part of my ego that was holding onto the pain, I let go and became who I truly am. I then chose love over hate. You have a choice to make in your life, choose hate or choose love. I will always choose love.